Day 6 - 1381 Words

“Cassie,” I said, “Elaine is going to Europe for the spring.”

“That’s great!” she responded.

“No, it’s not.”

“Why not?”

“She’s going to be away for six months. SIX MONTHS.”

“Ooh. I hadn’t thought of that. And in Europe. Where they have Europeans.”

“God, I’m so scared.”

“Miles, why don’t you call me? Or I can call you?”

I called her. “Hey,” she answered after two rings. “You’re going to be fine, Miles.”

“Cassie, I don’t know how I can live without her.”

“Miles she’s not going away forever. It’s six months. You lived without her for eighteen years, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then surely you can stand six months more without her.”

“Cassie, have you ever been in love? Like, really, crazy, couldn’t think about anything else in love?”

“No, I... I guess not.”

“Then you can’t possibly understand how I’m feeling.”

“Oh.” She didn’t say anything for almost a whole minute. “I’m... sorry you think that,” she said, almost whispering.

“I... Cassie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – surely you’ve been in love before?”

“In high school, like, my freshman year.”

“And when it ended?”

“We never actually, um, dated. He was gay.”

“Oh.” Now it was my turn to be silent.

“Nobody ever really liked me,” she said. “I mean, I had friends or whatever, but no guys ever really... liked me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I told her. “Cassie you are clever and sweet. There must have been someone who liked you. He was probably just too scared to say anything.”

“Are you saying I’m intimidating?” Cassie took on a playful tone. I guess the conversation had gotten too serious for her. She never seemed comfortable with serious discussions for too long.

“I’m not... Why can’t you ever be serious?”

“I’m serious! I want to know why you think someone would like me but not do anything about it.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “If it were me, I would do something about it.”

“Please,” she said. “It took you two months to get up the nerve to ask Elaine out for a study date.”

“But I did it,” I said.

“Would you have done it without my help?” she asked.

“Probably not.”

“See? That’s the kind of girl I am. One of the guys. I’m the girl who understands. I’m not the girl you take on dates. I’m the girl you ask for help getting dates. I’m the girl you invite to your LAN party. I’m the girl you call if you want advice on your audio equipment. I’m not the girl you kiss. I’m not the girl you think about night and day. I sit in the corner and I make wisecracks and then I disappear into the shadows.”

“That is not so,” I told her.

“You don’t even know me, Miles. I’m a disembodied voice to you, or a bunch of binary code.”
“Cassie, you are my best friend. I kid you not.”

“Thanks.” She breathed a heavy sigh. “How is it that you call me for comfort, and then end up working so hard to comfort me?”

“I like you,” I said. “I want you to be happy.”

“Well, everyone should have a dream,” she said. “Back to you, though. Do you want Elaine to go to Europe?”

“No.”

“So why don’t you tell her that?”

“She seems so excited about it. I don’t want to make her unhappy.”

“She’ll be unhappy when she finds out you lied to her.”

“No, it’s going to be okay. We’ll talk and I’ll go visit her and it will all be fine.”

“You’re going to go visit her? Can you afford to do that? Isn’t a trip to Europe wicked expensive?”

“Yeah, but I’ve got some savings.”

“Aha. Well, I wish you the best, sir. But I’m telling you – the best thing you could possibly do would be to tell her how you feel. Maybe qualify it by saying you don’t want her to base her decision upon it, but if you pretend you’re all hunky-dory about this thing, you’ll regret it later.”

“Thanks for the advice, O Great Sage.”

“I’m not kidding.”

“I know.”

“You’re not going to be honest with her at all, are you?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“Well, then I can be of no further assistance to you in this matter.”

“I wasn’t looking for advice. Just reassurance.”

“Did you get it?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Great. Well as late as it is here I know it is what, like, four in the morning there?”

“It surely is.”

“Why are you talking to me? Go to bed!”

“Night, Cassie.”

“Bye, Miles.”

Elaine’s parents came down to Tallahassee for her graduation, and then we went with them to their house in South Dakota for the holidays. It was a nice time with her family. They wanted to spend a lot of time with her before she left for Europe, which was understandable. I wondered if they had any of the same fears I did about her traveling. They probably did. The one fear I expect they didn’t have, though, was that they would dump her for some swarthy European family.

Elaine flew out of Tallahassee Regional Airport on January 2nd. I saw her off at the entrance to the terminal, but due to security I wasn’t able to go any further than Ground Transport. Early in the morning on the third she called me. “I’m here,” she said. “Paris is amazing.”

“Great.” I was barely awake.

“How are classes?”

“They don’t start for another week, remember?”

“Oh, right. I forgot.”

“Elaine, I’m really sorry, but I’m half asleep. Can we talk later?”

“Of course, sweetie. I’ll call you tomorrow when it’s daytime there.”

“Thanks, babe.”

“Love you. Bye.”

“You too.”

For the first month, we emailed each other about three times a day and we talked on the phone once a week. All of a sudden I spent a lot more time talking to Cassie. I was really lonely, and for some reason spending time with my friends from school didn’t seem to help much. Cassie made it a bit easier. She would always lend me perspective when I was feeling sorry for myself. “It could be worse,” she’d say. “It could be raining.”

“That wouldn’t be much worse,” I said.

“Okay,” she said. “Someone could decapitate you.”

“That would kind of suck,” I’d admit.

In the second month, the emails from Elaine cut back to twice a day, and she only called me every couple of weeks. When I told her I missed her, she’d say, “I miss you too, hon. I’ve just been really busy.” She always sounded incredibly happy, though, and I couldn’t fault her for that. She was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing. I think I might have been a little jealous; I would have liked to be out in the world working. I was sick of school.

By month three, Elaine emailed me once a day and usually didn’t say much of substance. She only called me twice in the whole month, and when I called her I usually couldn’t get through. Every once in a while she would send me a long email about all of the wonderful things she’d been studying. Spring break was in April, so in March I planned my trip to visit her. I told her I was going to surprise her with an amazing European tour. We would stay in all the best hotels, visit the most amazing places in the world, experience the height of European culture. “Sounds fun,” was her response. I felt a bit discouraged.

As part of the preparations for my trip to Europe, I went to a unique jewelry gallery, one I knew Elaine especially loved. They always had pieces like nowhere else. I looked at their selection of rings and finally selected for Elaine a white gold claddagh with an emerald heart and diamond crown. I began to formulate a plan for proposing to her. Part of the tour I had scheduled was a trip to Chartres. I was sure she would have visited it already; it would have been impossible for her to do her work without doing so. Even so, I thought in front of the cathedral’s main facade would be the perfect place to propose.